Yesterday was my nephews 2nd birthday. Given that we live in York and he lives back up in Washington, we don't get to see him a great deal. Thankfully we managed to organise a family day out at one the UKs premier visitors attractions... Yorkshire Wildlife Park. For those of you who are not familiar with this centre, its a wildlife centre, in Doncaster. Yup, fucking Doncaster.
I won't bore you with the details of precisely how shit this place actually was. Bare in mind, if you're a lion, and you've been transported to Doncaster and you've got to sit outside in the freezing cold where you can see your own breath, its hardly gonna fill you with confidence for the rest of the adventure. And what an adventure it is. You can see a giraffe. A meerkat. Two otters. Yup, thats right, otters. This is how classy this place is.
I suppose if you're walking round with a 2 year old then the fact he thinks he's seen an elephant kinda keeps you amused throughout the day. "Elephant" he kept shouting. "Nope F Dog, thats zebra you've seen there mate". "Shall we go and see some more animals? Ah you'd rather just pick sticks up off the floor and feed them through the fence. Course you would you little lad, you".
As I say, we were there for his birthday, and we feel that perhaps we bought the wee man the greatest birthday present. I was gonna get him a mini crossfit set but couldn't get it delivered in time. Don't spoil the surprise, but he might get a barbell for his Christmas. We had to think of a better idea, and we're fairly sure we found it. Not the set of mini drums I wanted to get him. As responsible adults, we settled on buying him his first indoor bouncy castle!
We can't wait to see him playing on it as its made us a bit jealous of the fact we don't have a bouncy castle.
I should really have mentioned that this entire experience was also fuelled with a hangover and a lack of sleep following a trip to North Wales the night before where I spent some time late at night in a McDonalds car park parked next to a chav in a Vauxhall Corsa blasting out Gangstas Paradise at a level that could be heard in Portugal. That was interesting enough, but then was topped off by a crew of chavs walking past with a midget chav who was the same height asa bin. It made me chuckle. You don't choose the Thug Life, the Thug Life chooses you.